Clowns Appearing, Disappearing and Reappearing In South Carolina Woods

South Carolina - CBS News - There’s a man-made trail winding through the woods near the Fleetwood Manor Apartments, leading to an abandoned home on the edge of a pond. Children say clowns live there.

Police in Greenville County in northern South Carolina haven’t been able to substantiate the children’s claims, but a police report from the first clown sightings on Aug. 21 reveal a “suspicious character ... dressed in circus clown attire and white face paint, enticing kids to follow him/her into the woods.”

A woman told a responding deputy that her son had “seen clowns in the woods whispering and making strange noises” at around 8:30 p.m. that night, according to the report, which was obtained by 48 Hours’ Crimesider.

She said the boy led her to where he saw the clowns, and then she also saw them “flashing green laser lights” before they ran away into the woods, according to the report. Around that same time, the woman’s older son reported hearing ”chains and banging on the front door” of their residence.

The “large-figured clown with a blinking nose, standing under a post light near the garbage dumpster area”  waved at her, and she waved back, according to the police report. “The suspect did not approach her or harm her.”

Several children in the area told police clowns had displayed “large amounts of money” in an attempt to lure them into the woods. 

Greenville County Sheriff’s Office Master Deputy Ryan Flood told Crimesider deputies investigated the house but found no clues.

Flood said witnesses have declined to give police their names.  

In one of two sightings reported on Monday night, a teenage girl told sheriff’s deputies she saw a man taking pictures of kids, and shortly after, saw a man wearing a black jacket and clown mask coming out of the woods.

In another incident that was not reported to police, residents told WSPA that they chased clowns after kids told them the clowns were by the playground. They told the station they saw the clowns drive away in a dark-colored car.

It is not clear how many clowns were inside the vehicle.

“To my knowledge, there haven’t been any kind of circuses in town,” Flood said. “There’s crazy stuff all the time, but nothing along the lines of this to my knowledge.”

I dare you to find a more frightening paragraph in the history of the written word than the first paragraph of this article.

So to sum this up, in just over a week there have been multiple reported sightings by adults, teenagers and kids of clowns mucking about the woods making noises, flashing lasers, taking pictures and flashing money at kids.

They claim they're all living together in an abandoned house yet the police have searched the whole woods and the house and haven't found a shred of evidence to support the claims. Oh, and the witnesses won't give their names. Oh, and according to the Sheriff's office, there ain't been no kind of circuses in town. And while the article doesn't specifically mention it, not one witness ever had a phone within reach to snap a pic or vid before the clowns vanished.

I think the safe assumption here is that this is alien-related. Obviously, they aren't living in the house, they're living underground or maybe even in the pond itself. This is just one of what will probably be thousands of small-unit offenses of varying methods (ie: not always clowns) set up by the aliens across the nation. In this case the clowns are making the townsfolk appear to cry wolf. They show up and wave then drill themselves into the ground before anyone knows whats what. And once all the authorities are convinced its bullshit and they settle down for a deep country sleep...The clowns will attack only this time the lasers will be real, vaporizing citizens one by one. The money will be fake though. No one is getting money from the clowns.

If by some small chance its not aliens, then it could be an elaborate marketing scheme for the remake of Stephen King's "It".

The author had to have known what he was doing when he wrote this line.. "It is not clear how many clowns were inside the vehicle."
Hilarious. Of course no one knows how many clowns were in that car. Alien or human, the most impressive power of clowns is their ability to maximize space inside of a car. If history is any indication it's safe to say there were no less than 12 clowns inside of that car.

But seriously though, this story is either totally made up or the witnesses are lying or the police are covering some shit up. Nothing about this story makes sense.

.

I Think There's More To This Video Than Meets The Eye

Time.com - Animals friendships are a beautiful thing — but they’re often rather one-sided, as we’ve learned from this video, shared on the popular science Facebook page Biologia Total. Watch as a very aggressive monkey disturbs a cat who’s just trying to catch some Z’s. This video highlights both immense persistence and immense patience.

On the surface this just looks like another cute animal video. This monkey couldn't be more aggressive with this cat. I don't see any junk so I guess its a girl monkey and the first thing she does is try to crawl into this cat's huMONgous earhole. Then she spends the rest of the time rolling, scratching, pulling and essentially dragging her vagina all over every inch of the cat's body. The most obvious question is how the fuck is this cat putting up with this? I know that cats sleep a lot but when you see the level of abuse suffered at the hands of this monkey, and all the cat can muster is a lame attempt at a hind leg kick...something else is up. I know it's a 5 minute video and you pretty much get the gist of what's happening after a minute...but just after the 2:30 mark, the monkey leaves the cat alone and runs around a little bit. You can see two dogs just lying there prostrate on the ground. Doesn't look like a typical dog nap. Then things start to make a little more sense. You see the legs of a man wearing capris and he appears to be Indian. I THINK THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN IN INDIA! Where else can two dogs and a cat lie motionless an unfazed as a wild monkey runs roughshod all over the place? Nowhere. These things have been sedated. To what end I shutter to think about. Maybe the Indian guy owed the monkey a favor and decided to let it have its way with the cat and dogs. But more likely the monkey somehow caught wind of this guy's plan and broke into the yard to try and wake these poor things up before the guy makes kalkalash out of them. The monkey is a hero!

Why Isn't It Standard Practice For Dunkin' Donuts Employees To Include Wax Paper In The Bag When You Order Honey Dipped?

This has been a long standing pet peeve of mine; Dunkin' Donuts people not putting wax paper in the bag with the honey dipped donuts. I have to ask for it every time. And a good percentage of the time, the person doesn't even now what I'm talking about. Dude, wax paper...I can see the dispenser right next to your head. Sure they always give napkins, but napkins are no match for tasty honey glaze. Your fingers just stick to the paper. I always order these in the car and always eat them while I'm driving. So the last thing I need is sticky fingers on the steering wheel or my phone. Yeah, I could lick my fingers, but you know what? Sometimes I just don't feel like doing that. Why don't you just forget the cup and pour the iced coffee right into my hands as well?

Love Guru Has Keen Advice On How To Approach Girls Who Have No Desire Of Being Approached

The Modern Man - So this article was written by one of those relationship gurus who preys on giving hope to losers who don't know how to talk to girls. There's really only so much advice you can give on the subject so one of their tricks for creating content is to offer insight on how to approach a "challenge" scenario and essentially make the impossible possible. So this piece here talks about the best way to approach a girl who is wearing headphones in public. Below is just some choice excerpts. Click the link above for the full bull.

These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.

Yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them.

Yes, it does. Leave them alone.

Of course, not all women are open to being approached because not all women are single and looking.

Single or not. Not all women are open to being approached in public while wearing headphones because they aren't all desperate lunatics. They're just going to work probably.

However, if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.

Ooh. A new lover! That will get the losers excited enough to keep reading. No strings you say?

What to Do to Get Her Attention

1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you).

2. Have a confident, easy-going smile.

3. If she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can see it.

Yes, make sure you wave in her direction instead of the person next to her. Unless your goal is to have them then get her attention for you. That might work.

4. When she looks at you, smile, point to her headphones and confidently ask, “Can you take off your headphones for a minute?” as you pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands what you mean.

If she doesn’t understand that you want her to briefly take off her headphones, simply gesture that you want to talk to her by pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”

Never mind how creepy and awkward it would be to witness that exact scenario with those exact actions and words. But if after you mime taking off headphones and the girl doesn't understand that that's what you're asking her to do, that's because she is pretending not to understand because she thinks you're a fucking tool. Either that or she's an imbecile. In any case, go back to your fantasy world.

In most cases, you won’t have to go to that extreme, but some girls are shy and will be hesitant about taking their headphones off initially. If she doesn’t want to take off her headphones, it’s probably a good sign that she doesn’t want to talk to you, so just respect that and leave the interaction.

5. If she takes off her headphones to talk to you, do what we call “Acknowledging the Awkwardness” by quickly mentioning something about the potential awkwardness of the moment (see the conversation example below), to demonstrate you understand that approaching a woman in this way isn’t the most common of experiences for either party.

If anyone were asshole enough, or out of touch enough to approach a girl wearing headphones...this isn't actually revolutionary advice on how you'd do it. It's like saying the best way to say hello to someone is to wave. Like I haven't read about a rash of incidents of guys running up to girls and pulling their headphones out of their ears while smiling nervously. 

Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Approaching Women Who Are Wearing Headphones

1. Approaching in a nervous manner

If you want the interaction to go smoothly and not feel awkward for either of you, make sure that you approach and talk to her in a relaxed, confident manner.

Most women are attracted to the strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. nervousness, anxiety), so if you are nervous or anxious, she probably won’t be interested in talking to you.

For example: If a guy asks a girl to take off her headphones and the first words out of his mouth are, “Hi, ummm… I was, ummm… wondering, ummm… sorry to interrupt…how, ummm… are you?” you can guess what will happen next.

Headphones back in and she’ll likely turn up the volume to block him out.

Being nervous or anxious while talking to a girl is not a "mistake" guys make. It's a fucking condition some have. But girls will tell you there is creepy nervousness and there's sweet nervousness. There's both those types of confidence, too. I love the imagery of a guy just sitting there stammering "umm"s while the girl just turns up the music and he continues to stammer. Don't let that happen to you! Smile!

2. Giving up too easily

Headphones are a great barrier between a person and the rest of the world.

Some women wear headphones because they don’t want guys or anyone else to speak to them, so if you try to talk to a woman and she clearly shows that she’s not interested in talking to you, just respect that and walk away.

However, sometimes a woman will be interested in talking to a guy, but she won’t immediately pull out her headphones and show interest. Why?

If she doesn't immediately pull out her headphones, how is that not the same as clearly showing she's not interested?

Some women like to test to see how confident a guy is by ignoring his attempts to converse with her and then seeing what he does next.

So no means yes? Got it.

Does he become nervous and awkward? Does he walk away in shame, or does he remain calm and continue talking to her in a confident, easy-going manner?

If a guy gives up at the first sign of resistance, a woman like her will lose interest because he lacks the type of confidence that she looks for in a guy.

So, if you are going to talk to a woman with headphones, just keep in mind that some women will immediately take off their headphones to chat to you (desperate women), some will make it obvious that they don’t want to be bothered (normal women) and others might want to talk to you (old women?), but first want to see if you will remain confident if she doesn’t immediately begin talking to you (no, no one will do this).

 I don't blame this guy for writing this article because there is a good percentage of toolbags out there that eat this shit up and will actually probably ride the subway with no where to go just so they can try it. But anyone who thinks they're gonna meet a girl on the subway or at a grocery store or at Barnes and Nobles, you're kidding yourself, never mind the fact that they're wearing fucking earphones minding their own business. Well, I guess if you're drunk at any of those places, and she's drunk too...all bets are off and give it your best shot. Obviously, this stuff has happened before but its rare as shit and usually the people involved are cuckoo birds. Normal people meet each other; at work, at a bar, at a party/wedding or any other social setting, online or set-up through a friend. That being said, I would like to read this guy's advice on how to approach girls in the following situations:

- With a wedding ring on (using your thumb and index finger from one hand make a sliding motion down the ring finger of your other hand?)

-While they're being arrested by the police (make a running motion and/or pretend to take invisible handcuffs off?)

-While they're running out of a burning house covered in flames (start rolling around on the ground while telling her how hot she is?)

Tampa Man Who Killed a Flamingo Might Have Some Issues

Or-Fucking-Lando -  Flamingos stomp their feet to bring delicious critters to the water's surface. But when Pinky did it, people were entertained. She was one of Busch Garden's animal ambassadors, danced the flamenco on TV and delighted delegates at the 2012 Republican National Convention.

Pinky the flamingo died Tuesday, police said, after she was attacked by a park patron.

Tampa police said Joseph Corrao, 45, grabbed her pink-feathered body and violently slammed Pinky to the ground about 6:44 p.m. Tuesday — in front of his own mother and three children.

Corrao, of Orlando, was arrested on a charge of felony animal cruelty — a year and 15 days after his release from prison on charges that he shot and killed two chained dogs at point-blank range with a shotgun.

He lived in Lake City, according to the Columbia County Sheriff's Office, when in 2013 he executed his neighbor's dogs — he blamed them for killing his daughter's rabbits — and threatened a witness.

Then police said he grabbed Pinky. Tampa police it was unclear why Corrao grabbed the bird, or if alcohol was a factor. But a witness told WFTS-Ch. 28 that Corrao laughed afterward.

"It's beyond senseless," Conrad said, according to a video feed of the court hearing. "It actually borders on depraved in my opinion. . . . I don't know if have you other issues, but I don't know who does that."

Corrao has a long history of arrests in Florida, records show, starting at the age of 25 with drug charges. He has also faced charges of hit and run, child abuse, contributing to the delinquency of a child, driving under the influence, DUI with serious bodily injury and burglary.

How about this Conrad guy saying this "borders" on depravity?? Making a fake Facebook profile to fuck with your ex, pretending to have cancer to get sympathy from others...those things border on depravity. But picking up a famous flamingo by the neck and spiking it to its death while you laugh in full view of women and children? That's top level insanity right there. Add that to the laundry list of fuck-ups in this guy's past and its clear there is no method of execution to cruel for him. We gotta vaporize this guy. There is no hope for this person or his children while he is alive. Time to go, Joseph.

Look at this adorable thing...