Mandarin Duck Peacocking in Central Park Pond

New York Times - This magnificent Mandarin duck mysteriously appeared in a Central Park pond last month and to the delight of birders and non-birders alike, it has remained.

I don't know what else to say about this duck other than I want to run my finger across it from beak to butt. I want to look in this duck's eyes and have him look back at me with acceptance. I would love to come to an understanding with this duck that we could be best of friends under the right circumstances.

Those tail-feathers are like a beautiful canvas that must remain untouched. If anyone were to hurt this duck or even so much as get it dirty, I would drown them.

I'm naming this duck Timothy and I hope you will all call him that too.

Thanks.

Youngster Calls 911 So As Not To Eat Salad

Pardon the Watermarked Photo But Just Had To

Halifax, Nova Scotia -
Have you ever had a meal so terrible that you need to get the authorities involved? Well, a 12-year-old boy from Halifax, Canada, felt the salad his parents made him was so horrible that he called the cops to place a complaint. 
According to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, the unnamed boy first dialed them last Tuesday at around 10 p.m. local time to say that he didn't like the salad. But when police did not did not respond to his "emergency" quickly enough, he called them again to reiterate just how much he disliked it.
Hutchinson told CBC News although this incident involved a child, there have been other times in which adults have called police over non-emergencies, and improperly calling 911 can result in a fine.
In this case, the culprit was a young kid, and so the authorities decided to use the incident as a teaching lesson, and let the boy know to only call the police when there is a real emergency. "It created an opportunity for him to learn something from this," Hutchinson said, adding that the boy's parents were "not impressed."
The officer did not disclose what kind of salad caused the boy to become so upset, but shared the incident was enough to steer even him away from salad for at least 24 hours. "I typically have a salad everyday at lunch, but today is one of those days I'm not having one," he said.

This story really isn't funny at all. It's obviously disturbing to think that a child would call 911 just because his parents wanted him to eat salad. It raises a lot of questions; Maybe he's special needs? Maybe his dad threatened to kill him if he didn't eat the salad and he was too scared to tell the cops that part? Maybe the kid's just a sociopath asshole? 

But what's perplexing about this story is that the cops would "not disclose what kind of salad caused the boy to become so upset" Why?? What the hell was it about this salad that even traumatized the cop, who eats salad every day, so much that he had to skip it for a whole day?

The type of salad is crucial to this whole story. Were there bugs in this salad?  Was it just a full tomato and a raw egg sitting in a lettuce wedge? The more I think about it I'm guessing that this had to have been one of the most disturbing salads ever made. And it wasn't so much the salad as it was the kid had probably just had enough of his parents doing weird shit like this. He's probably home schooled, no TV, no iPad, the Bible is his bedtime story and his dad makes him mow the lawn every week with their electric lawn mower. That stinks for this kid. 

Now, if this kid is actually just some geeknosed chubster refusing to eat a healthy salad there is only one way the cops should have handled it. One cop points his gun at the parents while holding his finger to his lips to shush them while the other cop points his gun to the kids head and calmly says "Eat the salad, eat the salad". The parents will stare in horror while the kid is crying uncontrollably and literally shitting and pissing his pants until he finishes the whole thing.

Not only will he think twice about calling 911 willy-nilly again, but I guarantee his parents never serve him salad again. Win win.

Tips to Considerate Bestiality

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